I dream of Dead People

This morning I woke up very disoriented and with many questions. First I should start off by saying that I almost never remember my dreams. I either a). don't dream , b). am so boring in my dreams it's not worth remembering or c). dream of such scentilating stuff that my waking conscience doesn't allow me to remember it (that sounds alot more exciting of the choices doesn't it? Unfortunately, I feel it must be the former rather than the latter choice).

Upon waking this morning, however, I was bombarded with vague recollections of the most bizarre dream ever. The details are really fuzzy but the thing I definitely recall is that in my dream I was surrounded by my dead relatives. My daddy was there (he died 8 years ago), my paternal grandmother was there with my paternal grandfather (she died 11 years ago and he died the day after I found out I was pregnant with Skyla). The strangest thing was there was also an elderly looking native american man there that I had never seen before. I have the feeling that he was a representative of apparently an ancestor I never met.

It's highly suspected that there is native blood on my dad's side of the family because of the looks of my dad and aunt and others back through the blood line .. dark reddish skin, brown eyes, black straight hair, high cheek bones. I didn't inherit the dark skin and dark hair but with my long straight hair, brown eyes and cheekbones every time I have ever been on an indian reservation (which has been quite often) I have been asked what tribe I belong too.

There were others in the room (oh did I mention this all took place in my grandparent's home which is no longer there?) but I don't remember who they were. They didn't make much of an impression apparently. I remember feeling very happy to be surrounded by them all though, especially my dad and my granddad (who was my favorite grandparent). Then something happened and this is where my recollection gets all fuzzy. Somebody was falsely acused of wrong doing .. stealing I think .. not sure who was acused and it was a big ordeal and then the truth came out and then everything worked itself out. Now what in the world it all meant, I have not a clue!!! I really wish I did.

Everything I have been able to find out about dreaming of dead relatives appears to be mostly negative, they say it's a warning or it has to do with dealing with grief, or that it's just plain scary. For me, my dream didn't seem any of those things, I dealt with my grief along time ago, I don't think they were warning me of anything, and it was more puzzleing than scary. Something to make you go, "Hmmm...".

In need of some divine intervention

Only 2 weeks left to this quarter and things are all coming down to the wire. In 2 of my classes the classes are behind where the teacher wants us to be so we are all running around like chickens with our heads cut off trying to get it all done. I can't believe how quick this quarter has flown by. Only 7 class days left for my 2 regular classes and my online class is having it's exam next week! I'm stressing about all of this and how to get it all done.

I've blown off 2 possible relationships here in the last few weeks because I just can't figure out how to schedule in a guy on top of all of the other crazy time consuming matters in my life. Not to mention I think I'm really afraid when it all comes down to it to put my heart on the line again. My last two relationships left me among the walking wounded and I don't know if mentally and emotionally I'm really in a good place for a relationship so I think it's best I stay out of them for awhile. However knowing this in my head doesn't make me miss being loved and being in love any less. It bites but what can ya do? For now I'm just focusing on the kids, my schooling and trying to get to a good place for me before worrying about being in a relationship.

Haven't posted about school in a while.

School is going really well. I ended up with 2 A's and a B last quarter giving me a 3.61 GPA so far. This quarter I have yet again for the moment 2 A's and a B. I'm digging my web design class and my advanced database classes (both of which are the A classes), the B class is my english 191 class. It's been 11 years since I've taken an English class so as long as I get the C I need to count for that class I will be thrilled. I had 2 tests on Thursday .. one in webpage class that I got 100 on, and made a 98 on my access test. Life is good as far as school is concerned.

It makes ya wonder

With my track record with guys, it makes you wonder, is it bad luck or bad taste? Or is it a combination of the two. Sometimes it just makes me wonder if there is something just completely screwed up with me that I can't figure out. Or if there is some invisible tattoo on my forehead that only guys can see that say's "Losers, psychos and commitment phobes please apply here."? Makes ya go "hmmm" doesn't it? There are days where I wish I was a lesbian. Unfortunately I just don't swing that way. Considered the whole nun thing ... but black and white just aren't my colors... not to mention the whole not being Catholic thing. I seriously am considering giving up on men all together. UGH. Born again virgin here we come.

The VT massacre has me really shookup.

First of all .. my heart goes out to all the people who lost loved ones and friends in the VT massacre. My heart goes out to all the people who were injured and are recovering now, and the people who weren't injured but were traumatized. It's so awful to think in this day and time that there are still people out there who can reak so much havic and tragedy on innocent people. I know it's devistating to all who hear or read about it.

The part that keeps freaking me out personally is the stuff I heard on one program talking about the charecteristics and warning signs of people who may eventually snap and become one of those people who cause such a tragedy. The reason it was so scary for me is that for 7 years I lived with someone who so many of those warning signs. I was married to him for 5 years and witness all kinds of erratic behavior that leads to me to think that he may at one point become one of those people who is responcible for a tragic loss of life. The week before he and I split up for good he went out and bought a brand new rifle and enough ammo to "wage a war incase anyone decides they don't like the lifestyle I choose to live." those were his words. They have haunted me for a year and a half.

I am so thankful every day that the kids and I are 6 hours away from him and that he has no visitation with the kids. He hasn't seen them in over a year, and I'm incredibly grateful for that fact. Thankfully if his trigger is ever pulled .. there are 6 hours between him and the kids and I.

Update on me

I'm sorry I haven't been around more. Things have been pretty hectic. Skyla turned 2. Man it doesn't seem possible that my baby girl is so grown up. She's potty training herself too, which is a dream since Chip about drove me crazy with trying to get him potty trained.

I started a new quarter at Augusta tech (changed m major to Computer Support Specialist after one of my proffesors came to me the last day of last quarter and told me he wanted me to change to his major) and I am taking 16 credit hours this quarter .. all hard classes that make you really think but I'm enjoying them. My favorite is the webpage class. I'm learning XHTML coding and designing webpages from scratch with just notepad. It's intensive yet rewarding.

I also have the worst sinus infection I've ever had in all of my almost (GASP!) 30 years and I'm currently on 5 meds the Dr. told me to take. It will either cure me or kill me, not sure which end I'm pulling for ... I just need some kind of relief. Trying to get used to that whole 30 term .. maybe by my birthday in July it won't be so staggering.

Also there is a new fella in my life ... but trying to keep it on the down low because I'm scared of jinxing things, since I tend to have the worst luck with men. Keep your fingers crossed that I don't do my reverse princess and the frog trick .. you know the one where I find a prince ... kiss him and he turns into a frog and hops away.

Holy Canolli

I just realized I'm one week of class away from completing my first quarter here at Augusta Tech ... and as long as I don't really screw up any of my finals .. I should end up with 2 A's (Bus 101 and SCT 100) and one B (MATH 191). Wow .. it's gone by really fast!!! Hallelujah! Monday we sign up for next quarter! My how time flies when you're having fun.

And you know what .. I really did have fun. I've learned at going to school at 29 is so much more rewarding than going to school at 18. I guess I just have my priorities in a better place now and have my head on straight. Not to mention knowing that if I do well in school it will allow me to find a decent paying job that will allow me to support the kids with out always having to stress about whether the child support check is going to show up on time or not.

What's a girl to do?

When she just needs a change? Something different, a new start. Well since I didn't need new clothes, I dyed my hair. The color is called cinnaberry by Clairol Natural Instincts. It turned out to be darker than expected .. but I really like it. It looks kind of like the cherry finish you see on alot of wood.

Banging head against the wall

I swear .. that's sometimes how I feeling when dealing with men ... like I'm just beating my head up against a wall for no good reason. At the time I know I shouldn't do it .. that all I'm gonna end up with is a severe headache .. and yet ... like a moron, I do it again. So yeah I'm getting ready to agree to be "just friends" with my ex-boyfriend. This should be an interesting little adventure ... Oh did I mention he still loves me (just he has decided he doesn't want to get married so dating is a bad idea) .. and I still love him .. how in the world is this "just friends" thing gonna work out? Beats the heck out of me. Stay tuned... might want to grab some popcorn .. this could get interesting.

Can someone please explain to me the workings

Can someone please explain to me the workings of mens' minds ??? Please? Pretty please with sugar on top? I've lived almost (shudder) 30 years on this planet. Grew up with a dad and a brother, dated lots of guys, been friends with even more, married a man (okay well there's some question on whether he really qualifies as a man .. he's got the parts .. but not the responsibilities), divorced the same in question man and dated a couple of other men besides. In all of my experiences with men, I have yet to figure out what makes their brains work and why they do some of the stupid shit they do.

This post is reguarding the ex-boyfriend of a month and a half or so. Things had been going along swimmingly for several months .. then all of a sudden he disappeared. So I wrote him an e-mail ending things. It took him a MONTH AND TEN DAYS to reply and apologize for not replying and his behavior in question.

Wanna know why he flaked? Cause my 4 year old son told him that he wanted him to marry me and be his new daddy. Yep .. my ex freaked out not because I wasn't a great girlfriend .. not because he was unhappy with me .. but because the thought of getting married and all of a sudden being a father of 2 scared the bejeezus out of him. Need I mention that my ex-boyfriend is 33 years old???

I wrote him a letter back exclaiming my surprise at the fact that he thought that just because my 4 year old was ready for us to get married that he thought I was. I flat out informed him that I just got divorced and I am totally not looking to run and rush right back into being married.

Wanna take bets on how long his reply will take to come back? The last e-mail took a month and 10 days .. so far it's been 5 days and counting. There's no telling how long it will take him to compose this answer.

Men... I swear ..

My new motto is, "Men are liking Parking Spaces, all the good ones are gone and the rest are handicapped."

Man it's been a busy week

I've had several tests, Valentine's Day, a job fair, and all other kinds of chaos going on this week. I'm just plain worn out. I was so tired last night I even skipped American Idol and got in bed at 7:45 to read a book and was asleep before 8:30 .. ofcourse then I got a text message at 11:45 and was up till 12:30 .. but then went back to sleep .. and slept till 6:30. I so so so so wish I could have one of those pre-kids weekends where ya do nothing but spend all weekend in bed sleeping or reading. I'm just give out these days. I love my kids .. but being the sole caregiver 365 days a year is tiring. It's times like this I wish my ex-husband wasn't such an unstable person so that maybe the kids could spend a few days visiting with him and let mama have a break. That will not happen though because he's not trust worthy to have the kids. Aw well I guess I will get to sleep when they are both in college!!!

Thank God it's Friday!!!

Man it's been a long hard week. I am so glad it's finally Friday.

But I really need to talk about Thursday night's TV viewing .. which so happens to be my favorite night of the week to watch TV.

First there's Ugly Betty, then Grey's Anatomy, and followed by Men in Trees. Normally I love these shows with all my heart. I still love them .. but jeez last nights shows ended up on a rough note.

First Betty finally kicks her bf Walter to the curb (YEAH Betty) so that she can be with Henry .. and then she finds out Henry has taken back his ex-gf from home (Boooo Henry!).

Then OMG .. what in the world's going on with Grey's Anatomy .. what's with the creepy kid that let Meredith go over the dock into the water without telling anyone??? That kid just creeped me out. Any second I expected her to start spouting "I see dead people." Ofcourse rationally I know they aren't going to kill off Meredith because Duh! the show is Grey's Anatomy and if they killed off Meredith then they'd have to change the name of the whole show. I can't see that happening. But seriously .. leaving all us viewers hanging like that .. cruel!!! But I gotta address the Alex Korev issue .. they are totally redeeming him and making him sexy as all get out .. not because of his looks but his charecter is really starting to shine. hehe .. but his looks ain't bad either.. yum.

As for Men in Trees .. love the show .. but man I was feeling so bad for Merrin last night .. okay .. what ex girlfriend is going to buy a 900$ baby pram for the baby shower of the girl who got her man back? I have been in this situation. I dated a guy that went back to the girl he had been with before me .. married her and had a baby with her .. let me just tell you .. I didn't send her a thing for her baby shower .. not even a note. Sure as heck not a 900$ baby pram .. although it was a really kicking baby pram. The saving grace from last nights shows had to be the cute gay guy romance .. haha .. I love gay guys what can I say .. it was too funny. Oh and the other saving had to be the new guy. I don't remember his name .. I was too busy drooling. OMG .. he is so fine .. kind of reminds of the whole Jared Leto from My so Called life back in the day when he was hot (he hasn't aged well if you ask me). I can't wait to see more of him (lol I hear he's gonna be naked alot in the show .. be still my beating heart).

Please somebody shoot me and put me out of my misery

OMG .. I feel like death warmed over. Chip was sick and he gave it to me. Now I feel awful but because I've missed so many days because of him being sick, I have to be in school because I can't afford to miss anymore days. I feel so bad. I just want to go home and curl into a ball and sleep for about a week. No such luck.

The only good news of the day .. I made a 96 on my keyboarding test that was on Chapters 1-25 .. woohoo!!! Go me.

Man that bite

I totally bombed my Algebra unit 6 test. Well .. I got a 70 which is a C .. barely. In my eyes that's bombing it. All of my other grades in that class have been high B's on tests and one A on a quiz. I am so dissappointed in myself. I missed 3 questions because I just didn't know how to do them, which is one thing, the thing that makes me mad is the other 3 I knew how to do, I just made careless stupid errors. Those 3 careless errors meant the difference of making an 85 which I think is a respectful grade to making a 70 which isn't acceptable.

My new favorite song

So I was on the way to school this morning .. and this song comes on the radio ... and I go .. OMG this song was MEANT FOR ME!!! So I had to come look up the lyrics and find out who sings it. It's by Danielle Peck.

It's called Findin' a Good Man

We got a bucket of Corona, Enough stories to last all night, About the trials
and tribulations, Of findin' Mr. Right: Of findin' a good man. Here's to the
liars and the cheaters and the cold mistreaters; To the Momma's boys who can't
make a stand. Here's to the superficial players; The "I love ya"
too-soon-sayers; If you hear me girls, raise your hand: Let's have a toast:
Here's to findin' a good man. Blind dates an' horror stories; Pushy guys and
fast movers. Let's dedicate this girl's night out, To big-talkers; bad losers,
It's so hard findin' a good man. Here's to the liars and the cheaters and the
cold mistreaters; To the Momma's boys who can't make a stand. Here's to the
superficial players; The "I love ya" too-soon-sayers; If you hear me girls,
raise your hand: Let's have a toast: Here's to findin' a good man. Instrumental
Break. Julie, I know you want perfection; Angie, you want a listener. Lisa, your
list is gettin' long, And girls, you know me:I just want a good kisser. Here's
to the liars and the cheaters and the cold mistreaters; To the Momma's boys who
can't make a stand. Here's to the superficial players; The "I love ya"
too-soon-sayers; If you hear me girls, raise your hand: Let's have a toast;
Let's have a toast: Here's to findin' a good man. Here's to findin' a good man.
Here's to findin' a good man.

The funny thing about this song .. is I think I have dated every guy listed
in the song .. well except for the good man. Still searching for him. I may just
settle for a good book at this point.

One of the suckiest parts of being a divorced mom

Has got to be waiting on the child support check when it's late. Wondering if it's actually going to come, worrying how you are going to pay for your child's daycare, gas, and groceries. I hate being dependent on my ex-husband for anything. He can't even be trusted to pay his child support with out it being garnished out of his wages before he ever sees his paycheck and then even with the garnishment it's sometimes late.

Which is exactly the reason, I am going back to school so I can get a decent enough job so that I can support me and my children irreguardless of whether or not the child support check is on time or not.

Man this burns my biscuits

Okay so my brother was involved in that shooting last year the day after Skyla's birthday, and then he saved the old man from the train. Well he got two awards for it. First officer in the history of Thomasville to get both awards in one year. My brother's name is Steve Currie .. or Officer Currie.

Well Lexington's paper did a nice article about all the police officers who recieved the award. Here's the nice article:

http://www.the-dispatch.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20070117/NEWS/701170343&SearchID=73269929028432

In less than a week later .. the editor of the paper wrote this nasty letter:
http://www.the-dispatch.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20070120/NEWS/701200302&SearchID=73269932268921

Makes me want to send a nasty letter to the editor. My brother risks his life every day for the people of Thomasville. Heck he doesn't even live in Thomasville. He has saved several lives this year and was awarded because of it .. and now this little podunk news editor wants to disparrage them getting awards because of it? Police get so little rewards as it is. Why not just let them bask in the fact that someone is giving them a little appreciation.

Sometimes it's good to question your proffessors

Proffessors are humans just like everyone else .. and sometimes it's good to question them. Week before last I had a quiz in my college algebra class and the teacher graded it wrong and I knew it had the right answer and I went to her and showed her that she marked another woman's right and mine wrong. She fixed it so I gained 10 points back on my quiz.

Well Friday we took our SCT 100 quiz and there was one question on the test that wasn't in any of the reading material, excersizes or prequizes that we had taken so afterwards I went to the professor. This one question kept my test from being a 100 and dropped it down to 96. Well he went and looked and pretty much everyone in the entire class missed the question because it wasn't from the units we were studying. So everyone who missed the question got their 4 points back. YEAH!!! So now I still have a perfect score in that class. We've had 2 tests and one quiz so far in that class and I've made 100s on each of them.

I've finally figured it out

According to my SCT 100 professor today is supposed to be the unhappiest day of the year according to some scientist. Well today is my ex-husband's birthday .. no wonder he's the most unhappy and miserable person I've ever met in my life. He has this thing about him where he's miserable and he wants everyone else around him to be miserable too. Thank God he's now the bimbo's problem and not mine!!!

The Dead Dads Club

Grey's Anatomy is my favorite show (well since Buffy ended anyways). Last night was an amazing show, but it was very hard for me to watch. Dr. George O'malley lost his dad last night. Dr. Wang told him that he was now in the Dead Dads Club and that she was so sorry but that you had to join the club before you could understand the pain of the club. Unfortunately I joined the club almost 8 years ago. Man it sucks to be in the club. Watching the show last night I was just bawling like a baby.

Man I miss my dad every day. My dad was the best.

Don'tcha Love it?

When you think you really screwed up on a test and come back and got a much better grade than you were expecting?

Yesterday I was sick as a dog and missed my first 2 classes but had to come in for the 3rd because of my first test in that class. Well I got there and took one look at the test and was thinking bad stuff. I was drugged up on Fenergrin too to keep from throwing up during the test .. yahoo. Fun stuff let me tell ya. Yesterday I was thinking the absolute highest I could possibly have scored was a whopping 80 and that was if I hadn't made any careless mistakes. Well I got the test back today and did much better than expected because I got an 86 which is a high B (4 pts shy of an A) so I was quite relieved. YEAH!!!

Did I mention it's been 10 YEARS since I had a math class and they started me out in College Algebra where as most of the others in my class just got out of Math 99 .. they put me straight into Math 191??? Scared much? MMM yeah.

And The Award for Suckiest Blogger in the World Goes too...

I know! I know! I am the suckiest blogger in the world. Please forgive me. I haven't had computer access for awhile.

I now have access via school. But I jump ahead. Let's start at the beginning.

For my new year's resolution #1.. get rid of dead weight (dumped boyfriend .. check! started a diet .. check check!). New Year's resolution #2 work on brain (go back to school .. check check check!). I'm now a Full-time Business and Office Technology Major at Augusta Tech. Classes so far are going well. Made a 90 on a quiz in Algebra (although I took the test yesterday sick and I'm dreading the grade), and I made 100 on my test for microcomputer applications last week. I have another test in that class tomorrow .. wish me luck.

Chip and Skyla and I have been battling this nasty new stomach bug going around for the past week but right this moment, everyone is healthy (knocking on wood .. aka my head).