The baby is ....

We had the ultrasound and the baby is a

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Healthy Stubborn Surprise !!!

Baby looked great and was awake and moving (Chip slept through his big ultrasound so it was atleast better) but was shy and would not show either the u/s tech or the Dr. the goods. The baby looks great and there is definitely only one. It's measuring a week big (surprise surprise) so it's measuring with a due date according to ultrasound of 3/27/05 .. but I know exactly when I ovulated so my LMP date is really accurate so I am sticking with my 4/3/05 due date. I think I am just meant to grow big babies. They didn't get a real good look at the heart so they said they may have us come back in a few weeks to look at it again they aren't sure. Oh and by the time the u/s tech wanted to take pictures the baby flipped over and so we got one okay shot of the baby from the side and one cute photo of the feet .. they are the cutest thing ever.

17 weeks today. Finally starting to feel better.

So here I am 17 weeks now. I can't get over it. In a way it doesn't seem possible to be almost half way there. I am finally starting to feel some better. The headaches have eased up, the nausea has disappeared .. atleast for now, and the fatigue isn't near as bad since starting take these new vitamins. I am so glad .. it was really getting where I was starting to wonder what I had gotten myself in to. Tomorrow is the big day!!! Our big ultrasound, where hopefully we will see all the organs are in the right place and doing what they are supposed to and hopefully get a good look and this baby's packaging and see whether it's time to start shopping for pink or if we will be buying more blue stuff. There is still Charles's theory of twins to find out too. I really don't think it's twins though. We will lay in bed at night and if I lay flat on my back and you put your hand on my belly you can feel this wriggly squirming little person under your hands .. we have yet to feel more than one squirmer at a time, so I am thinking it's just one little bambino in there. I have been calling the baby bambino because of all of my italian food cravings I have been having this pregnancy. Actually I've discovered I crave all things red. Tomatoes, Strawberries, Apples and so forth. The funny thing is with Chip I craved orange foods, oranges, carrots, sweet potatoes. According to my mother in law when she was pregnant with Charles she craved green things .. so it must be something genetic with his family hehe. I haven't told anyone ... but I am really nervous about tomorrow. After my friend Lisa's news this week I am more than a little wary about possible bad news that you can get from an ultrasound. I am hoping and praying that we won't get bad news .. but who is to say we won't? I mean we are no better than any other couple expecting a baby. Why should we be so lucky when so many others get bad news. It's funny I used to be one of those people who thought stuff like that couldn't happen to us. HAHA. That was before my miscarriage. Then I learned that bad stuff can definitely happen to us. And now thanks to having so many friends from the loss boards I am on I know how often not so pleasant stuff does happen so it makes me more sensitive to that kind of stuff. So please if you pray .. send up a prayer tonight or tomorrow and keep us in your thoughts. It will be greatly appreciated I promise. We are planning on finding out the sex .. but I just found out yesterday my friend Lesley from PAL board gave birth the 22nd to a beautiful baby GIRL (well I am assuming beautiful because Lesley is absolutely gorgious and her hubby is pretty cute himself .. so I don't think there is a chance of the baby not being absolutely adorable) the only problem is that for months they have been under the impression that their baby was a BOY. So now I am sure they quite surprised by their little pink bundle of joy. I can just imagine the looks on their faces when the Dr. goes "It's a girl!" I bet their chins hit the floor. I am sure they are thrilled though. So it is definitely a reminder to take the ultrasound technician's decision with a grain of salt. Although the u/s tech was on the money with Chip. So we will see. We have a different group of technicians this time but they are supposed to be some of the best. I would love a little girl because I have all ideas that this will be my last pregnancy but I also think it would be neat also for Chip to have a little brother. Who knows .. either way .. we will be thrilled as long as we get a healthy baby. It's weird with Chip I thought girl and Charles thought boy. Charles was obviously right, I was wrong. With my second pregnancy we both thought the baby was a girl. We will never know for sure whether we were right or not. With this one .. neither one of us really has a good "sense" of whether the baby is a girl or boy. So it should be interesting. My appt. is tomorrow at 1:15 eastern time. It's going to be me, Charles, Chip, my mom and my MIL .. so it should be quite a roomful. Hehe. I really hope Chip behaves. Hopefully he will like seeing his little brother or sister whichever it turns out to be.

I am so utterly devistated for my friend Lisa

No one should have to find out via ultrasound that their baby is incompatible with life. My poor friend Lisa has been told this not once but twice. Her first child Lily was diagnosed with Potter's Syndrome (basically no kidney function what so ever and with no hope for survival) at 22 weeks. They made the most incredibly tough decision a parent is ever faced with and Lily was born to Heaven 10-17-02 . Lisa and her husband were told this was a fluke occurance and shouldn't happen again. After a long TTC process they were blessed with another pregnancy that had seemingly gone well until about 2 weeks ago when they had a questionable ultrasound. They said they couldn't really tell what was going on yet and to come back in 2 weeks. Yesterday they were told that it had happened again. Their new little baby 19 weeks along has the same condition as their first angel. They are devistated as are all of the rest of us on the Pregnancy After Loss board I chat on. It's just so incredibly unfair that Lisa and her husband will have to say goodbye to another baby. If you are the praying type .. please say a prayer for Lisa and her family.

Blah Blah Blah (please forgive me .. but thats how I feel these days)

Ugh. I haven't posted on my blog lately just cause I haven't felt up to it. I have been experiencing a major reaccurance of nausea (the all day kind), not to mention some really horrible pregnancy induced headaches. Apparently when you are pregnant your arteries swell and apparently the ones in my head are swelling and my skull ofcourse gives these expanded arteries no room to grow. So they are causing mind numbing headaches. The Dr. suggested 2 extra strength tylenol, 2 sudafeds and a coke or a pepsi to help shrink them. Well I tried it because after a 2 day straight headache it sounded like a good idea. And it did work. But I have been scared to use it on a regular basis because of the fact that tylenol can damage your liver, and I am not really fond of medicine because my dad died because of medicine he had to take because of gout (a whole nother story entirely). So I have been dealing with the nausea, the headaches, and just being tired all the time. We went to the healthfood store and got some new prenatals that are supposed to increase the energy in pregnant women .. so far they seem to be helping. I am really starting to think that if we get a healthy baby this time that this will be my last pregnancy. This one has just been so much tougher on my system than Chip's was. I don't know if it's because I am older, or its because I already have a 2.5 year old or what... but this pregnancy so far has left me feeling very worn out. Don't get me wrong. I am very grateful for the little life growing inside of me and I can't wait to be a mother again .. but I just wish this pregnancy would ease up some so I could enjoy it some since it will probably be my last.

My most embarrassing moment

Ok I posted this as a reply on another blog (for getupgrrl) since she was talking about bad things that have happened. I posted this to make her most embarrassing moment not seem so bad. I figured since I had share it on her blog I should be brave enough to post it on my blog too. So here is my story about me in my most humiliating experience to date.

"Ok you asked for humiliating stories and yours was a camp one .. so I will give you one too. Might make you feel better about your story not being so bad.

Okie for some reason my parents decided that I was to big a tomboy and to send me to an all girl summer camp for 2 freaking weeks. The funny thing it was a girl scout camp. Hello? I wasn't a girl scout!!! Okay .. well there were no boys in the camp and only 2 male camp councilors (file this away it will be important at the end of the story). Okay I have never been the kind of person to like roughing it.. not even as a kid. We had these outdoor communal showers that we made to have 4 seperate outdoor showers but all of the bottoms of the showers were one peice and in the middle there was a drain where the water ran down. Well I totally didn't get groovy with the outdoor shower thing but it was my only option. I had avoided it the first 3 days of camps just because I didn't like the idea at all. But it was summer time, and hot and muggy being that it's the south and all, so there came a night where I just couldn't put it off any longer. I'm standing there in all of my buck naked 12 year old chubby glory and soaping my hair. When all of a sudden I look down and what do I see? A huge freaking water moccasin swimming towards my left big toe. Okay so I did what any other 12 year old girl would do. Scream "Snake!!!!!!!!!!!" at the top of my lungs and go hauling butt running out of the showers with 3 other naked preteen girls following right along behind me. This was traumatic enough but it get's worse. Apparently the only 2 males on the whole freaking camp had been riding around in a car checking on a campsite nearby and heard the histarical screaming coming from our camp and came "riding" to the rescue only to be greeted by the sight of 4 naked screaming crying soaking wet covered in shampoo preteen girls. They needless to say unassed the area quickly. I am sure they were worried about getting in trouble just being around 4 naked young girls. We were all traumatized .. first by the snake, then by being seen naked by our male councilors and then we had a female camp councilor (from England no less) go inspect the showers .. well Gee by then the snake was gone (wouldn't you have left with all the screaming too???) and She comes back tries to convince us that there was no snake, and that there were no water snakes in Johnston County (which was where the camp was). I looked at her and was like excuse me .. but I have lived here my whole life and I happen to know for a fact that water snakes do live in this part of the county because my uncle killed one in front of me last summer beside my granddad's pond. I've lived here 12 years and you've been here what 2 months??? I never lived the snake thing down because the camp councilor kept denying that there ever was a snake .. but I freaking know what I saw."

My 15 week Prenatal Visit

We have a date for our big u/s. Doing the Happy Dance!

I am so excited!!! It's two weeks from today!! And the day before my dad would have been 58. I am hoping that is a good omen for us and that everything will be perfect and we will find out the sex. I had my appt today. Apparently the headaches I have been having (bad all day long ones) are vascular headaches your arteries get bigger when pregnant because of the extra blood volumn and in your skull their is no where for them to stretch out to. So she (the Midwife I saw today whom I really liked) prescribed me to take 2 extra strength tylenol, 2 sudafed and drink a coke or pepsi and then go lay down in a dark room. We couldn't hear the heartbeat yet (darn my fat belly) but since I have been feeling the baby move and we have the big ultrasound coming up soon she didn't do an ultrasound.

And I turned down the AFP test today . Anyone else decide not to take it? I just feel with the high rate of false positives that it's not worth taking it for me. So many of my friends have been scared to death by that test and worried needlessly. Plus any of the things it's testing for really wouldn't make a difference for me. I am much more comfortable waiting for my big ultrasound and them looking at things and telling me from there. If our baby has problems we will deal with it, it wouldn't change things for me. I know some people choose to terminate for various reasons and I understand that, but after going through my loss last year and having a D&E I just don't think I could emotional handle making that kind of decision.

Oh and I also made the decision for them not to test me at 36 weeks for GBS again because I was positive with my son. I just told them to go ahead and give me the antibiotics and go on.

We also went over my Preeclampsia history and my c-section history and the fact that I really want the chance to go for a VBAC this go round. She like the Dr. I saw last time feels that my risks are lower this time for the preeclampsia and if we can avoid that this time that I am a great candidate for VBAC. I made it very clear that I was very set on doing what was best and safest for me and the baby and that if things went well that VBAC was the way to go, but in the case of complications I was prepared for the possibility of a repeat c-section.

I really really feel good about today's appt. And I am getting really excited about this ultrasound coming up.

For all my friends who have walked or are still walking the road

of Primary or Secondary infertility. A friend of mine shared this link with me and I had to share it with all of you.

http://www.vocalicious.com/empty_arms/empty_arms_mod.html

Reading this brought back the tears but it's something I felt you all could benefit from reading. Especially if you have some friends and family members that just don't get it. I would definitely send this to them.

I am so blessed to only have suffered only one miscarriage and only one year of secondary infertility .. so many of my beautiful friends have suffered through more losses and more years of infertility and are still waiting to find their path to parenthood (however they get there) this post is for all of them. Sending them prayers and lots of parenthood vibes. No matter how it happens I am wishing for your children to make a grand appearance into your lives ASAP.

14 weeks today.

Warning .. Sappy pregnancy post .. if you don't want to "hear it" please leave now!! You have been warned!!!



Wow .. things are really starting to sink in. I feel like we are actually going to get a baby this time. God I hope so. I am actually no longer thinking the bad thoughts .. like will I miscarry today? I am actually starting to be able to look forward to April. I actually picked out a beautiful crib the other day (we got rid of Chip's about 8 months ago) and my mother bought it for me on ebay. My mother rocks!!! You can see it here : http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=3195&item=4326684179&rd=1&ssPageName=WDVW

I also have started looking at bedding. And have picked out a boy bedding :
http://www.thebabysnursery.com/bedding_barnyard.html

and a girl bedding:
http://www.thebabysnursery.com/bedding_fairy.html

So I should be ready for either answer we get at our big 18 week ultrasound!!!

As long is the baby isn't bashful and hides the goods.